Zoomed In

Prerequisite for going to the doctor: Math

2010-11-10T11:51:00.003-05:00

It's become apparent to me that the innumerate masses in America must be having a hard time making good health care decisions. The information your doctors have is too complex for them to just sum it up for you - they'd basically be making the decisions for you. They can't do that, you have to interpret the data yourself. Innumerate people can't do anything with the data they're given, so they just make a judgment based on how it sounds.

Some data sound very worrisome when they are not. "This test result means your risk for Disease X is doubled". That sounds as if you're likely to have the disease. But it doesn't mean much unless you know what the baseline risk is. If it's 1 in 5000, then it's probably not worth worrying about the new test result. Odds are 99.96% that nothing is wrong with you. If you aren't able to figure this out, you might insist on a painful or invasive procedure to rule out the disease, just to alleviate your worry.

"Your child's weight is 20th percentile". That might sound dangerously small, but all it means is she's smaller than 80% of her peers. It doesn't tell you how much smaller. If you look at the distribution of children's weights, you might find that the difference between 20th percentile and 50th (average) is just a few ounces.

I could go on with dozens of examples. Why aren't there word problems in math books like this, rather than made-up scenarios about apples and train schedules? Maybe kids wouldn't be so quick to dismiss math as "something they don't need in real life".

Which is an "eyesore"?

2010-04-29T14:05:00.006-04:00

Life is like...

2010-01-07T21:27:00.003-05:00

Wow it's been over a year since I've posted? I guess I've been a little busy.

So I was driving to work today, that song Crazy was on the radio and for some reason I noticed the lyrics, even though I've heard them 1000 times:

"Who do you think you are?
Ha Ha Ha, bless your soul
You think you're in control?"

And that got me thinking about how people have a such a strong desire to feel in control of their lives. I won't take anything away from Forrest Gump, life is somewhat like a box of chocolates - but I prefer to think of it as being like BlackJack. The game is designed to make you feel like you have some control of your destiny. You have to know when to double down, if you expect to have any chance to win. The reality is, though, that there's hardly anything to the game. Even when making all the right moves, the only thing that makes you a winner is the cards.

A little counterbalance

2008-08-22T16:12:00.002-04:00

Here's a little something to counteract the "stupid people are breeding" phenomenon:

Stupid people are getting deadly diseases because they think vaccines are some kind of trick to sterilize their children, or give them autism.

Measles Is Back, And It's Because Your Kids Aren't Vaccinated

So maybe there's hope for humanity after all.

Bleeding heart

2008-08-06T08:17:00.003-04:00

Death Drugs Cause Uproar in Oregon

Terminally Ill Denied Drugs for Life, But Can Opt for Suicide

That's the headline.

What the headline and opening paragraphs lead you to think is that a greedy insurance company refused to pay for drugs that would extend her life six months, and instead offered her a much cheaper assisted suicide.

Sounds like the insurance company should be sued for a billion dollars right? I'll grant that it was sort of disgusting to offer assisted suicide, unsolicited. But that's a tough spot for the insurance company, the woman's definitely going to die, and probably it's going to be painful, maybe she is interested. However, as I continued to read, the article revealed some facts that paint quite a different picture than the headline:

A lifelong smoker, she was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2005 and quit.

The median survival among patients who took erlotinib was 6.7 months compared to 4.7 months for those on placebo. At one year, 31 percent of the patients taking erlotinib were still alive compared to 22 percent of those taking the placebo.

So basically the woman smoked herself into lung cancer and now expects everyone else to foot a $27,000 bill for a drug that increases survival time by two months.

Sorry lady, I was once a smoker. If I got diagnosed with lung cancer tomorrow, I'd know it was 100% my own fault, and I would not be crying foul when the insurance companies forced me to deal with my own mess. If you had wanted insurance on being a lifelong smoker, you would not have not been able to afford it. Well, maybe you would have, if you hadn't spent the money on cigarettes. I don't blame the company one iota for not covering you.

My grumpy advice column

2008-04-18T13:01:00.003-04:00

I don't normally read advice columns, but I do enjoy Salon's Cary Tennis. Today's question, however, was just too much for me to take, so I'm going to answer it myself. Since I don't have any readership to lose, I can be a complete dick in my answer.

Dear Cary,

I desperately want a child. I want, my husband wants, we want.

However, my husband and I purposely will not conceive a child. The reason is, we feel that what we want is not the most important thing. The most important consideration is toward the person who is most directly affected. The most important consideration is toward the child.

Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong. Also, there is a chance that once the child is grown, he may look back and feel, "I would have preferred nonexistence. There, I would have remained safe from all harm."

Also, any harm that comes to the child would be my fault and my husband's fault. If we had not conceived the child the harm would not have occurred. Do many other people think this way?

Wanting/Not Wanting

Dear Wanting/Not Wanting,

Yes, plenty of other people think this way, I even have a name for them - idiots. It amazes me that you would approach something as important as having children without apparently having given the matter any real thought at all.

It is not possible for anyone to honestly believe the statement "I would have preferred non-existence". No one can prefer non-existence. It isn't just a matter of opinion, like preferring vanilla over chocolate. The statement itself is logically absurd, it's nonsense. People cannot both exist and not-exist at the same time. If a person doesn't exist, then they cannot know what non-existence is like. Existence is a prerequisite for experience. See?

Let's set that issue aside for a moment. Even if your worst fears are confirmed and your child somehow prefers non-existence, his wish is easily granted, isn't it? He can step off this crazy ride called 'existence' any time he wants. In fact, you can send him back yourself. Oh, what's the matter? You find the prospect of sending your child back to non-existence distasteful? Perhaps you should ask yourself why. Maybe non-existence isn't the warm fuzzy place you make it out to be.

It may sound like I'm encouraging you to pull out the diaphragm and go for it. However my advice to you is to remain childless. Not for your sake or the child's, but the whole world's. We need more stupid people to stop breeding. You have my sincerest thanks for volunteering.

faces

2008-02-14T10:07:00.006-05:00

Is this a face on Mars? Of course it's just a rock, but it really, really looks like a face! How could this possibly have happened by coincidence?

Well, most people don't know this, but your brain has parts that are specifically for face-recognition. It's not too surprising that we have this ability built-in, since we are social animals it's very helpful if we can easily figure out who we're looking at.

I say "most people don't know this" because things like this
grilled cheese sandwich sell for $28,000 on eBay. Why? Because it really looks like a face. Well, certain people say it specifically looks like the Virgin Mary, even though no one really knows what the Virgin Mary looks like. I suppose they figure God put the face there, and what other woman would God want on a piece of toast?

Anyway, the reason for this post today is that I found an image that demonstrates that this "face-recognition" area of the brain exists, and provides great insight into why we see faces where there are none.

How can one image do that? By making the "face-recognition" part of the brain choke on bad input. You can actually feel your brain sputtering and fizzling and restarting. Ready? Scroll down.

Crazy, right? The doubled eyes and mouth in this image really shouldn't put our brain straight into "does not compute" mode. But it does, because it actively seeks to find eyes, nose and mouth, and it can't figure out which set of eyes and mouth are the "real" ones.

Haven't spent enough time looking at my feet

2008-01-30T17:13:00.000-05:00

How many bones do your toes have? Think about it.

Then click here for the answer (6th item in the list). I would have gotten it wrong. Next time I start acting all smart, someone please point out I don't know basic things about my own feet. Which I might add I've owned for 33 years and have probably looked at more than casually probably 1000 times.

Have I mentioned I don't feel sorry for you?

2008-01-30T08:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, so remember how I expressed my lack of sympathy for people who took out home loans they had no chance of paying back?

Turns out some of them deserve far less than mere lack of sympathy. In fact, many of them deserve a punch in the face. With brass knuckles. And maybe one in the gut, for good measure.

You see, rather than being humble in their mistake, they are lashing out at anyone within range. Some of them are destroying the house on the way out the door. That's pretty juvenile and senseless, but at least it's not targeted at innocent bystanders. However, it gets worse.

Some people are abandoning their pets. After they've punched up all the drywall and smashed the toilets, they are waving goodbye to Fido, leaving him tied up in the backyard, where he will starve to death. And they know it. Anyone who could do such a horrible thing deserves to get foreclosed on. I know the foreclosure happened first, but let's be reasonable, foreclosure is not the end of the world. These people still have a place to live, it's just not the fancy house they couldn't afford. Even if they were now homeless, I've seen a lot of homeless guys with dogs, and the dogs are always the better fed of the pair. Foreclosure sucks, but it isn't supposed to turn you into a bitter, cruel asshole. I think it's clear these people were assholes all along, and they got exactly what they deserved. In fact, they got better than they deserved. To you pathetic jerks, I downgrade lack of sympathy to 'I hope you get hit by a bus'. The world is better off without you.

Killer Deer

2008-01-25T11:38:00.001-05:00

I guess people are getting bored being afraid of Muslims and bird flu. The new 'in' killers are:

Sharpshooters Aim to Protect N.J. Mall From Deer

As Deer Populations Grow and Invade Suburbia, Communities Fight Back

You hear that? They're invading our suburbs! Don't turn your back on a deer for even one second. They'll use their sharp... hooves and ravenous... herbivore teeth... to tear you limb from limb.

Ok, maybe not. But don't think for a second that they're just cute defenseless animals! Listen to this shocking testimony of one womans tale of terror. A deer made her sad after she smashed it to bits with her SUV!

Meghan Berry, a 27-year-old New Jersey graduate student, collided with "an absolutely gigantic" deer while driving one night. After killing the deer, she was traumatized by the fur it left behind on the demolished car.

Those evil, diabolical deer! They must be stopped at all costs! There's one now!

Oh my god it's coming right for us!!!

Coming up next: Squirrels - cute or deadly?

Do not panic, everything is perfectly fine

2008-01-22T15:03:00.000-05:00

That's what major news outlets are saying today about the stock market. The Fed cut interest rates in an emergency effort to stave off recession. Just a few hours later these headlines:

ABC News:

Don't Sell! Advice From the Wall Street Pros

Financial Planners Advise Investors to Wait Out Panics in the Markets

CNN:

Don't panic, don't sell -- save and network

Hm, since when do media outlets give such clear cut BUY or SELL advice? I'm sure they are just trying to help the average joe. Right?

Um, no, if they wanted to help us, they would do some fact checking on government lies, and we all know that they do no such thing. So that explanation is out. The next most obvious explanation goes like this: There's a lot of rich people with a lot of stock they wish to sell. They can't get a good price with a million average joes also trying sell. So they call up the heads of their media companies, and tell them to immediately print big headlines meant to keep us from doing anything. In fact, CNN actually suggests buying! If you run out of money later, they say, just borrow against your home equity. Brilliant advice. It will give the rich media company owners someone to buy their stocks before they tank! And if you decide to just hold, at least you will let the rich guys out the door first.

Ok, I don't claim to be able to predict stock markets, I have no idea whether there's going to be a recession, and if there is, when it's going to happen. But I do know that these headlines are a really bad sign. Just so you all know, I did sell some non-retirement stocks today. And not just a few bucks worth either. Yeah, it probably wasn't necessary for someone my age, but let's just say I sold just enough to feel ok no matter what happens.

If it turns out that these headlines were really run to make the rich richer, it sure was a pretty clumsy and obvious attempt. At least the readers' comments on the ABC story seem overwhelmingly skeptical of the article.

A sign of age

2008-01-12T19:50:00.000-05:00

I suddenly realized I'm not so young anymore. it's not because my body is losing its shape, although I can't say I'm in the best shape of my life. It's not because I'm going senile (or is it?). No, the thing that opened my eyes to my age is known as "2 Girls 1 Cup".

For those of you who aren't familiar with this, it's a gross-out video. If you're about to stop reading this and google it with the intention of watching it, for crissakes, I implore you, don't. Not too long ago, I didn't shy away from gross-out stuff. I got into a gross-out war with my friend Terry that began with the emailing of photos of gunshot wounds and got worse from there. Back then, my general stance on this sort of material is that they were just images and couldn't hurt me no matter how disgusting. Of course that stance is a lot easier to take before you've looked at the material in question. So even though I was seriously disturbed by those genital mutilation photos, I had opened them anyway, I suppose because I just had to know the answer to the age old question 'what's grosser than gross'? Back then I think I got the answer - I knew that was about worst thing out there and I survived it.

I just can't do it anymore. I just can't open "2 Girls 1 Cup". I know that the internet has even darker corners now than it did 10 years ago. Relax, I'm not going to describe "2 Girls 1 Cup" here. (I've read 1-sentence descriptions so I know the main idea. Fortunately I don't even have to describe it at all to inform you how gross it is). Let me put it this way, there is a popular YouTube series of simply people's reactions to watching the video - the "2 Girls 1 Cup" video itself isn't shown at all. People apparently react so strongly in disgust as to make it comical and YouTube worthy. I say 'apparently' because I can't even bring myself to watch the reaction videos either. I already know "2 Girls 1 Cup" is more than I can handle. I'd say my time of being part of the most depraved generation has passed. I know that's a good thing overall, but there was always this sense of power over older people because we could stomach things that they couldn't. Now I've lost that power, however minor and impractical.

Perhaps someone could comment on whether they think each generation has always been more depraved than the last, or if this is just a recent trend.

My new heroes

2007-12-28T15:08:00.000-05:00

You know all that ranting I do here on my blog? I do my best, but The Buffalo Beast shows how its done, in its '50 Most Loathsome People':

http://www.buffalobeast.com/122/50mostloathsome2007.html

Check out these choice quotes-
On #1 'Most Loathsome', George Bush:

Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a fucking turnip if it promised to kill foreigners.

On #9 'Most Loathsome', You:

You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Reasons why both the music and film industry can kiss my butt

2007-12-14T11:09:00.000-05:00

1) The movie industry decided it would be a good idea to force everyone to watch a "don't pirate this movie" advertisement every time they watch a legitimately owned DVD. I find this so incredibly insulting and annoying that I will pirate movies just for spite. And shame on the DVD player manufacturers (Sony, Panasonic, all your major brands) for kowtowing to the movie industry - they are the ones who disable your FastForward button while the ad is showing.

2) The music industry, as it exists today, is finished. Walking dead. They know it. Their business model is irretrievably broken, but until it finally collapses, the bigwigs are going to milk every last cent they can get. First of all, it no longer takes a million dollar investment to make a good recording. Artists don't need lopsided record contracts where their chances of making any money are about the same as winning the lottery. Second of all, internet piracy will exist as long as the people are being ripped off in the stores. The RIAA can sue everybody on the planet and it won't matter. How many decades have we been buying $18 cd's without being allowed to listen to it first, and it turns out there's one good song on it and the rest is crap?

Think about this question: If you accidentally scratch a CD so that it no longer plays, what does the music industry say? They say "too bad, buy another one". Let's say that instead we go to the internet and download the same songs for free. The music industry will still sue us claiming that we didn't pay for it, even though we did. They talk out both sides of their mouth. They act as if they sell physical disks half the time, and licenses to listen to music the other half, depending on which one requires us to give them money at that moment in time.

It's a big fat scam.

How about you music industry types give me access to ALL the songs you've ever recorded. Give me a music player program for my computer and an iPod that keeps track of what songs I actually play. Once a month it transmits this information to you and I'm charged accordingly, let's say a few cents per-listen. That way, my favorite artist whose song I play over and over gets paid what he deserves. Sure, this system is hackable, but why would any significant number of people bother to hack it? They're not getting ripped off, they're getting exactly what they want for a fair price. The reason such a system doesn't exist is that it would eat into your enormous (and unearned) profits.

Choose Two

2007-12-14T09:30:00.000-05:00

There's a saying in Software Engineering circles (and probably other fields):

Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose Two.

It's all about tradeoffs. If you want something fast and cheap, it's not going to be very good. If you want something cheap and good, it'll probably take a long time. And if you want something fast and good, it'll probably be expensive.

I find that a similar principle applies to an atheist's view of the afterlife. In my choose-two scenario, it works the opposite way. All the choices are negative, but in this case, the "choose two" limitation is a good thing. You're guaranteed that at all times, at least one of the three negative things can't apply to you.

Dead, Mortal, Unhappy: Choose Two.

You see, if you are mortal (and by mortal I mean when you die you completely cease to exist), then you cannot be both dead and unhappy. Because if you are dead, you no longer exist, and there's no "you" to experience unhappiness. Whether you're alive or dead, there's always some good news. If you're dead and unhappy, at least you've survived death and have a chance for future happiness. If you're mortal and unhappy, at least you're not dead.

America gets even dumber

2007-12-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

Who Qualifies for Bush's Mortgage Bailout Plan?

It better be "no one"!

As it turns out the answer is "practically no one". In my opinion, this may be the very first thing Bush has done that hasn't been a complete disaster. Score one for Bush under "fiscal responsibility". That makes a total of... one.

I'm sorry folks, I really am. I am sorry that people are suffering from their own stupidity. I am sorry that they borrowed far more than they were ever capable of paying back. I am sorry they went all googly-eyed when someone dangled a shiny house in front of them.

All that sorrow, however, need not result in my writing a check to Uncle Sam for these people to deposit in their bank accounts to cover their massive stupidity. It just encourages further stupidity, and I think Americans are quite stupid enough already, thank you.

When I bought a house, I spent hours calculating various scenarios to see whether the amount I was borrowing was something I could handle. What if interest rates rise dramatically? What if I'm temporarily unemployed? You know why I put thought into it? Because I wasn't borrowing 200 bucks, I was borrowing almost 200 THOUSAND bucks. That's a big deal. Is that not obvious to everyone?

I don't give a shit if some people did not realize that they couldn't make the payments. I don't give a shit if the contract was on rainbow colored paper and the bank paid out in casino chips! Caveat emptor. These people are adults, and they should have acted like one. I am very sorry that they are dumb, but a government bailout is not going to make them any smarter. It'll just give them some money. And we all know (from experience this time),

'a fool and his money are soon parted'.

What the hell do you think Social Security is? It's the government's very noble attempt to hold idiots' money for them so that they can't be as easily bilked. And then what does "Grandmother Nettie McGee" (from the article) do the minute she finally gets control of the money? Goes out and signs it all over on a subprime, adjustable rate mortgage. And when the rate inevitably goes up, says "I don't have it. I'm on a fixed income, Social Security."

/end rant.

Tarheel shame

2007-10-04T21:12:00.000-04:00

I KNEW IT.

I've said many times that Marion Jones was a liar and a cheater. She's probably the only athlete I'd ever accuse to her face, without a positive drug test. And Marion was a fellow Tarheel, it's not like I wanted to see her go down in flames. It was simply that obvious to me that she cheated, and I think people who cheat at sports are the worst kind of pathetic attention whores.

Come on, Marion, your husband was busted for doping and your boyfriend was busted in a check-counterfeiting scheme. Your choice of companions gave it all away. You repeatedly allied yourself with liars like Tim Montgomery and cheats like CJ Hunter. You knew all along what they were doing. The inescapable fact was, you don't find lying and cheating distasteful. If it had been up to me, I'd have kicked you out of the sport for life, for that alone. If I had been wrong about your steroid use, I wouldn't care if I'd hurt your feelings because I knew you had no honor.

At least you finally confessed. I just hope you'll have the decency to give back all the medals and records you never deserved in the first place. And then you can begin to apologize, firstly to the honest athletes whose rightful place you stole. And then to all the kids who wanted to be like you.

And then I hope you'll have the decency to disappear from public view. You've gotten way more attention than you deserve. I'm pretty sure I speak for all Tarheeldom when I say, "don't wear Tarheel gear anymore".

Now even military leaders don't know why we invaded Iraq

2007-08-22T15:25:00.000-04:00

Latest CNN headliner (emphasis mine):

U.S. officials rethink hopes for Iraq democracy

Nightmarish political realities in Baghdad are prompting American officials to curb their vision for democracy in Iraq. Instead, the officials now say they are willing to settle for a government that functions and can bring security.

Let me finish that thought for you:

"Wait, that's what they had before we invaded. Ok, now I remember: we also want a government that won't make weapons of mass destruction to use against the U.S. Wait, didn't we find out they already had that too? Well crap, what the hell are we doing here then?"

abortion, and confusion of past and future

2007-07-31T12:09:00.000-04:00

I was reading a discussion on Slashdot today, and it somehow degenerated into an abortion argument. I realized I've never tried to organize my thoughts on the subject, since the topic is generally avoided like the plague (and for good reason). But this is a blog and I don't care. So here goes.

What we have is the anti-abortionists and pro-abortionists. I won't call them "pro life" and "pro choice" because those terms are biased. What I think both sides can agree on is that embryos and fetuses are alive. Yeah, that's about the extent of their agreement. Anti-abortionists say that embryos are much more than just "alive", they are actually people. Personally I find that assertion ridiculous. We don't go from being a mass of cells to an adult instantaneously. An embryo slowly takes on more and more properties of what's commonly called a "person" - such as a personality, an identity, not to mention a brain, arms, legs and various organs.

Often anti-abortionists say that life begins at conception. Again, they change the definition of a word to suit their own purposes - "life". When people speak of their lives, they generally don't include the time they spent in the womb. Of course they don't, what would they say?

"How was your pre-birth childhood, was it a happy one?"
"Well, I was pretty much just floating around in the dark the whole time, occasionally kicking at the walls. I'd say it was uneventful."
"Hey, me too! You want to hang out later?"

Anti-abortionists use an alternate definition of "life": they throw in the "soul" at conception. Oddly, they only use this definition when talking about abortion, in all other conversations they use the standard definition. I won't hear any of this business about a "soul". There's a million reasons why the concept of a soul makes no sense (except as a tool to increase the church's tax-free income), but it can easily be summed up in a hilarious way by Monty Python's "Every Sperm is Sacred". If it's possible for a soul to inhabit a fertilized egg, why not a sperm?

Let me point out some temporal trickery involved in anti-abortion rhetoric. For instance, in a bumper sticker that says "Smile, your mom chose life". This equates your parent's combined gametes to "you" the adult, which is the inherent lie. What the anti-abortionists are doing is conjuring you into existence at a time when you didn't exist, which of course they can only do in their imagination. Reality, on the other hand, has certain rules. At the moment your mom "chose life", your present adult self didn't exist, and nothing can change this fact.

A similar story is of those children who eventually find out that they were a "mistake", or that their mothers had considered an abortion. The natural reaction is one of sadness and rejection, just as if their mom had considered poisoning their Froot Loops just last week. Hey, relax kid. It's not as if your mom knew back then what kind of person you'd become, and decided she didn't like you. You didn't exist.

I won't criticize people for feeling this way, because it's a natural human failing. People just have a hard time imagining the world without them in it, in some form or another. They might imagine this scenario as though looking through wormhole in time, seeing the disturbing scene of their embryo-self being killed, and think, "Oh no, I've been killed. Abortion is horrible". But that isn't how it would have happened, your present adult self wouldn't actually have been there. Your present self would never have existed at all. While it may be natural to project ourselves into existence, it isn't real. It certainly shouldn't be allowed to influence national abortion policy.

I don't think abortion is "right", and as the weeks of the pregnancy progress it gets even more wrong. However I do think it should remain legal. By the time an abortion decision is made, something has already gone wrong - an unwanted pregnancy. The best solution to the abortion "problem" is avoiding unwanted pregnancy in the first place. I think that is what we should be focusing on, not whether abortion is moral or not. Contraception is cheap, effective and relatively easy to use. There's no excuse for not teaching people. "Abstinence" programs are fuel for the abortion conflict. It's not only the church's fault, but their greed is contributing the the problem that they're very quick to blame on individual women and their doctors.

Congonhas

2007-07-19T08:57:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to say, after the plane crash at Congonhas airport in Sao Paulo the other day, that I've been there. And I must say, the oddity of that runway was immediately obvious. As you are driving to the airport, the road passes right by the end of the runway. I'd say the distance from the end of the runway to the road is 100 yards. In the intervening distance, there's a steep hill that leads down to the road from the runway with several large red metal landing ligh structures. It's pretty clear that any plane that overshoots the runway is doomed.

In the photo, my plane is about to take a right turn onto the runway, and take off in the opposite direction that the doomed TAM flight landed. Notice the woman in the photo clearly visible walking along the sidewalk of that road.

Here's a google earth photo that shows the bird's eye view. The plane in the photo is in almost exactly the same place where the above photo was taken.

Google Earth of Congonhas

I amuse myself

2007-06-22T15:54:00.001-04:00

Ok, it's not a real sign. I just stumbled across the Church Sign Generator. And the first thing to come to mind was a good Simpson's quote ("Viva Ned Flanders").

An unusually mixed message from an advertisement

2007-06-12T14:35:00.000-04:00

I saw this sign today, and after furrowing my brow for a few seconds decided to snap a pic for posterity.

I don't know what it is, but let's ban it.

2007-04-20T11:42:00.000-04:00

So the democrats have managed for 7 years to keep their damn mouths shut about one of the issues that make them look stupid. Until this week's Virginia Tech shooting.

I don't even want to debate right now whether gun control is good or bad (although I state for the record I'm against it).

What I want to get across is how many Democrats talk straight out of their ass about guns. Most of them don't even know what it is they're trying to ban. Ignorance seems to be their key to the moral high ground. "I don't know anything about guns, because anyone who does is a nut, and part of the problem." That's their unspoken belief.

This congresswoman is sponsoring a bill that would ban barrel shrouds, and she gets called out not knowing what they are. They do make your gun look scarier, but all they actually do is keep you from burning your fingers on the hot barrel. So this is all we have left in our "war on drugs"? We're making it so there's a chance the dealers will burn their fingers after they've shot a bunch of people. That'll show 'em.

As she's backpedaling, she says that they're banning the types of guns criminals choose. I've got an idea, let's instead ban the breakfast cereal criminals choose. That'll stop em right in their tracks. When they go to the store and have to buy Count Chocula instead of Cocoa Krispies, they'll just give up their life of crime, go back to school and become an investment banker. They'd never just eat Count Chocula, or buy an illegal box of Cocoa Krispies. That'd be too much for them.

And screw you, lady, for making me cheer for Tucker Carlson. I hate that guy.

Vista - not really enjoying the view?

2007-03-29T16:12:00.000-04:00

If any one of you just bought a new computer with Windows Vista on it, my condolences. You've been sold a very capable machine, which Microsoft has thrown up in.

On your first day, you realized, too late, that the Mac commercial below wasn't even exaggerating. In fact, they probably understate the annoyance of Vista's UAC.

Well, so Vista sucks, right? Honestly your only mistake was not sticking with XP until Vista's major kinks are worked out. Macs are great, no doubt, but some people don't have an extra grand lying around to pay the "Mac tax".

Consider ubuntu linux. You can try it out so easily - just download a file, burn it to a CD, and boot the CD. If it doesn't work well (and honestly it may not work well with all your hardware), take the CD out, and windows is back again. If you want to install ubuntu, one click and it installs itself, alongside windows. You can boot either one.

It takes full advantage of modern graphics hardware (which all of you now have but probably didn't realize, because windows left it unused). See below what a modern desktop can do. Granted a lot of that is pure showing off, but other features are truly indispensable. Trust me on that.

Al Gore's self contradiction

2007-03-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

I recently watched "An Inconvenient Truth". Overall, I thought it was well done. I could see what Al Gore intended to accomplish with it, and I think he did an excellent job.

The main thing that made me wince was his use of Mark Twain's quote,

"It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so"

And then he immediately proceeds show everyone what he knows for sure.

I'm not a Global Warming denier. I believe that the best scientific evidence available to us today is quite alarming.

However, I do not see how these facts predict the future climate with any accuracy whatsoever. All they show is that the current conditions are unprecedented in recent earth history. The fact that it's unprecedented is exactly what makes it so difficult to predict what is going to happen. It could very well turn out that balancing forces will come into play that we haven't thought of yet. For instance, vast forests spring up near the poles (where few plants could live before), inhaling vast amounts of C02 and putting the brakes on Global Warming. That's just off the top of my head.

I am not saying that I'm going to drive a Hummer in circles just for fun, because all this Global Warming stuff is bunk. All of us have known that our cars waste energy and pollute, regardless of Global Warming. And there's plenty of other ways we waste energy and pollute. Why not clean up our act for those reasons, and just throw in the possibility of disastrous climate change to seal the deal?

I'm calling it.

2007-03-20T12:12:00.000-04:00

At some point we have to officially declare the war in Iraq a huge mistake. Most people have been in agreement on this for quite some time. However, there have been a few holdouts (including the entire Bush administration) who continue to wait for Jesus to come down from heaven and turn blood into lattes.

Can we officially call it 'over', and take our enormous losses? Whoever thought we could go into a completely different culture that lived under an iron fist for decades, wreck their infrastructure, remove every barrier to all-out civil war, and somehow end up with a democratic, peaceful, secure country in a year or two... could you please raise your hand?

I think I hear crickets.

When Bush says we're going to stay until the job is done, what he means is, until he can sneak off to his ranch in 2009 and leave the country wallowing in the biggest disaster of our lifetime.

Here's today's headline, complete with question that should have been asked four years ago:

'Silent victims':What will become of Iraq's children?

Mustafa Karim says his father and uncle were killed "in front of my eyes".

Maybe we ought to start caring where our stuff comes from

2007-02-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

This fur trim is labeled "Faux"
as in "fake".

Tests show it actually this animal.

Oh and did I mention they are skinned alive? Sources: CNN, Humane Society
This is a level of evil I thought was only achieved in movies. There's the ho-hum evil of slaughtering animals for fashion. Skinning them alive out of laziness - that's a sick evil you don't find every day. But labeling them as "faux" and getting animal lovers to unwittingly wear the carcasses of the same animals they've paid to save - that reaches the level of super-evil.

It happened again!

2007-02-05T10:41:00.001-05:00

I posted a while back about dogs who have eaten pieces of paralyzed people who cannot feel the dog biting them.

It happened again! A woman has been charged with child endangerment after her pit bull puppy chewed off her 4-year old son's foot. Her son has spina bifida, and cannot feel anything below the waist. After the incident, the puppy was sent straight to doggy heaven, but I'm not sure if that was the woman's decision, or the local government's.

What I take issue with is destroying the dog. What was the reason, exactly? I think it was a knee-jerk reaction. Possibly it was also another case of a dog being sentenced to death for the crime of being a pit bull. I don't think you can blame the dog for this, any more than you can blame the dog for eating a juicy steak that you left on the floor. A puppy doesn't understand how paralysis works. In the wild, paralysis equals death. Only in human society do paralyzed individuals live on. So we're supposed to be surprised that the puppy took the boy's peaceful silence as tacit approval?

Assuming that the woman's story is true, the charges against her are unjust. It was a puppy, after all, who probably presented absolutely no danger to any child, except paralyzed, sleeping children. A reasonably smart parent would have realized the danger, but law enforcement has never set the bar that high to be considered a competent parent. For example, how many parents are prosecuted, whose children drown in their own backyard pools? Hardly any.

So what makes this case different?

I won't get into whether parents should be imprisoned when their children die of their stupidity, but I'll just say that I don't think it helps anyone.

Everyone knows you can't kill the Energizer Bunny... or Oprah for that matter.

2007-01-26T15:26:00.000-05:00

From the US Department of Pre-Crime, we have the following news bulletin:

"Girls charged with conspiring to kill classmates, Oprah, Tom Cruise, The Energizer Bunny"

Authorities discover that some 14 year old girls have been writing a list of 300 people to kill, on their MySpace page. They have been arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit homicide. Did I mention they are 14 year old girls and had 300 people on the list, including the Energizer Bunny?

Either we, as a nation, have finally degenerated into a quivering mass of paranoia, or these girls get up awfully early in the morning.

Taking down Oprah alone is probably an all-day operation. And you know the Bunny won't just hang around while you finish her off, it'll just keep going and going. These are not the homicidal plans of chronic late-sleepers.

Perhaps the cops have other evidence we haven't heard about - maybe they found a stash of Hello Kitty handguns in their locker.

I actually thought I was making up Hello Kitty handguns for a minute there. But then a cloud of cynicism formed over me, and I paused to check.

I hereby take back what I said about the quivering mass of paranoia.

Notice that I didn't make fun of the girls for putting Tom Cruise on the list.

Back in my day

2007-01-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

Long ago, when I was in high school and applying to college, I received a rejection letter from my favorite school, UNC. I recall panicking and making a quick phone call, which thankfully revealed the letter was a mistake. A few weeks later, I received an unapologetic acceptance letter.

When I started school at UNC that fall, I decorated my dorm room wall, in part, with that rejection letter.

Seems that these days UNC has switched tactics - get people's hopes up first and then crush them:
University of North Carolina errs in congratulating 2,700 applicants

Why so many girls think they're ugly

2007-01-21T11:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know it's made by Dove. But still, it's a stunning demonstration, especially of the power of photoshop - not just to manipulate, but to leave no trace of itself afterwards.

it's amazing how far you can make it in Lafayette, naked with a bone sticking out

2006-12-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

What follows below is a summary of a news article. I have marked the places where the journalist failed to address incredibly obvious questions, or even acknowledge such questions would come up. See if you can guess what the questions are, and check your answers below.

A man gets high on some drugs, jumps off a hotel balcony thereby breaking his ankle so badly the bone is sticking out. He then proceeds to strip naked and wander into the hotel office (Question 1). He then proceeds down the road and flags down a passing motorist (Question 2). He then gets a ride to the local Waffle House (Question 3). The Waffle House employees call the police after the man became irate and verbally abusive (Question 4). Then the man grabs a female employee, causing a male employee to subdue him with a choke hold. Then four police officers arrive, and after failing to subdue the man (Question 5), they taser him repeatedly with no effect. The man later dies in the hospital (perhaps from the taser, or the drugs, or the ankle, or a combination).

Ready? Here we go.

1) He was 'wandering' on a broken ankle with the bone sticking out?
2) What kind of crazy fucking town is this? These townspeople see a naked, drugged up man in the road, with a bone sticking out of his ankle that he doesn't seem to notice, and they think "I should stop and pick this guy up"? Ok, let's suppose for the sake of argument, that you wouldn't have to be batshit insane to attempt to help this man. This must have been a good samaritan trying to get him to a hospital, right?
3) Wrong. The motorist actually takes the naked man to the Waffle House, as if this sort of thing happens all the time.
4) The Waffle House employees call the cops AFTER he becomes abusive? So nobody paid much notice to the naked man with a bone sticking out of his ankle. But when he becomes abusive, "well that just tears it, call the police".
5) So, 1 unarmed Waffle House employee gets the guy in a choke hold and keeps him there until four policemen arrive, but the police can't subdue the guy even when they use the Taser?

Never have I been more confident in our nation's financial system

2006-12-14T14:41:00.001-05:00

A law was recently passed that bans melting US currency coins. Hm, ok, given the crisis in Iraq, wouldn't this sound like a low priority to you? You'd be surprised - it's actually a rather important fire for Congress to put out. Why, you may ask.

Because the metal in the coins is now worth significantly more than its face value.

That's right folks, that 1 cent penny has 1.73 cents worth of metal in it. All you need to do is melt it and sell the metal. It will actually bring you an instant 73% profit, which I assure you is the very best thing you can do with that penny. And it's totally legal and has been forever. Hurry, this is a limited time offer! Ends Friday, December 15. Yeah, that's tomorrow. Sorry.

Seriously, if there was ever a better time to get rid of the penny, it's....well, ten years ago. Look at what we've become - passing laws to put people in jail for melting money! Whose fault is it that the metal is worth more than the face value? Isn't it the government's job to make sure the materials in the coins are worth less than the money itself? It would seem they are punishing everyone else for their own mistake. While they were busy arguing over the fate of one comatose woman, and whether gays are ruining the institution of marriage, and whether or not they should build a bridge to nowhere, this doozy sort of slipped by them.

So you better not take advantage of their incompetence, or you'll go to jail. After tomorrow.

But..but... it really looks like cleavage

2006-10-13T09:57:00.000-04:00

I found this article today on Fark.com.

Some kid's mom is freaking out, because she thinks her 7 year old daughter's school picture has had cleavage photoshopped onto it, presumably by some sick photographer.

And now the Eyewitness News team is on the case, and doing a bang-up job, I must say.

“It blew my mind. I couldn't believe that someone would do that,”

the girl's mother is quoted as saying.

The crack news team at WFTV also 'showed the photo to several photography professionals who all said it appeared to have been doctored and likely was not a natural shadow.' Well done.

The only problem is their so-called experts are probably the kids at the local Ritz Camera (who still should have known better). And the girl's mother is talking straight out of her ass. It's pure hysterical knee-jerk reaction. Jump to conclusions much?

Let's take a look at the photograph in question. The girl's jean jacket is open and it is several inches away from her body, casting shadows from each lapel. Since each lapel is casting a shadow inside the jacket, there must have been two light sources, one on each side.

The so-called "cleavage" is simply the intersection of those two shadows. For those who think the shadow is "too dark", look at the shadow to the left of her neck, it's just as dark.

And besides, if anything shouldn't the mother have been complaining that the girl's face was all out of focus? Just kidding.

Don't listen to Webster, he's crazy

2006-10-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

The latest and greatest in the Mark Foley scandal:

"While conceding that Foley had inappropriate communications with pages and former pages, attorney David Roth said Foley had 'never, ever had an inappropriate sexual contact with a minor in his life.'
'He is absolutely, positively not a pedophile,' Roth said. 'He is apologetic for the communications that he made while under the influence of alcohol.'

First of all, apparently he isn't attracted to young boys at all (when sober anyway)! No, it was the alcohol that caused him to make sexual advances to young boys even though he had absolutely no latent homosexuality. So as of today, alcohol no longer has the inhibition-freeing effect that it has had throughout history. Now alcohol makes you do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing. This just in - Foley has just now remembered, he's a victim here too. See, when Republicans commit crimes, it's because they have "illnesses" and "are victims too".

And finally we are just receiving word that the English language has just been changed to accomodate Mr. Foley and his lawyers. You see, up until today, this was the definition of the word "pedophile":

ped·o·phile (pĕd'ə-fīl', pē'də-) n. An adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children.

As of today, the "-Phile" suffix no longer means "lover", it now means "molester". This is a very interesting development since it means that ancient Greek, from which '-phile' comes, has undergone its first change in several millenia. Oh, and all self-proclaimed audiophiles, hemophiliacs, and francophiles are now felons.

New heights of hypocrisy reached

2006-10-02T08:26:00.000-04:00

Rep. Mark Foley on Bill Clinton in 1998:

"It's vile. It's more sad than anything else, to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain because of a sexual addiction."

Rep. Mark Foley in Congress, 2005:

"Sex offenders are not petty criminals. They prey on our children like animals and will continue to do it unless stopped. We need to change the way we track these pedophiles. Mr. Chairman, it has often been noted that a society can be judged on how it best treats it children. We have a moral responsibility to do everything in our power to protect our kids from these animals."

Rep. Mark Foley's alleged AOL Instant Messenger session with a male teenage Congressional page, 2003:

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:04 PM): normal clothes

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts

Maf54 (8:04:17 PM): um so a big buldge

Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:35 PM): ya

Maf54 (8:04:45 PM): um

Maf54 (8:04:58 PM): love to slip them off of you

Xxxxxxxxx (8:05:08 PM): haha

Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake

Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab

I find it truly remarkable that this man may be prosecuted under the very same laws he helped to create. I challenge anyone to find a more appropriate situation to describe using Shakespeare's "thou doth protest too much" quote.

America, this is your elected government.

Big media fails to read own article... again

2006-09-28T14:22:00.000-04:00

Hilton, who once told the Los Angeles Times that the taste of booze "grosses me out," claimed she had a single margarita at a charity event before her arrest.

A national research study says a 137-pound woman would need to consume three alcoholic drinks in one hour on an empty stomach to reach a .08 percent blood-alcohol level. The fashionably slender Hilton likely weighs much less than 137 pounds.

Sounds like logically impaired ramblings to which even a child would know to add, "nevermind, that didn't make any sense."

I just point this out to show what standards the big news outlets are adhering to these days.

The ten billion dollar binky

2006-08-25T10:18:00.000-04:00

Apparently the phenomenon I described as "Airport theater" is more well known and discussed than I originally thought.

The Wikipedia has an article on "Security Theater".

What galls me about the need for Security Theater is that it caters to the ignorance of the masses. We're not supposed to be children. We're not supposed to need the government to pop a ten billion dollar binky in our mouth when we're upset. That's all it is. The world's most expensive pacifier.

We bought that instead of safer cars. Why? Because people are perfectly fine hurtling down the highway at 80 miles an hour while talking on their cellphone, and trying to pick up their spilled cheetos off the floormat. Despite the fact that 40,000 people a year die in their cars, very little is done because masses aren't crying in their cars. They're crying at the airport.

There's no such thing as a "two headed baby".

2006-08-16T12:19:00.000-04:00

"Doctors in Indonesia are unsure whether they can operate on a baby born with two heads, although the newborn girl is in stable condition, according to published reports."

"The baby, named Syafitri by her parents, is breathing with the assistance of a machine to ensure that enough oxygen flows from her one heart to the two heads, Channel NewsAsia reported."

Ugh. For pete's sake, this is shameful. It's not a two headed baby! There are two brains there, that means they are two people. They are conjoined twins, and require two names. Just the same as if they were only connected at the hip. It's one thing for idiot reporters to screw this up, it's quite another for the babies' parents to consider them one person.

I can just picture it:

Age 6mos: "Honey, I don't get it. One of Syafitri's heads is sleeping, but the other one is hungry."
Age 2: "Syafitri, I can't hear what your left head is saying when your right head is crying so loud."
Age 8: "Syafitri, first you say with your right head you want to go to the petting zoo, and not two seconds later, your left head says you want to see the movie! Make up your minds!"

By the numbers

2006-08-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

Number of airline passengers killed by terrorists each year (last 30 years): 67
Number of total airline passengers worldwide, last year: 1.5 billion
Dollars spent since 9/11 on increased airport security: 18 billion

Assuming you fly 10 times per year, the rough odds of being killed by terrorists on an airplane in that year: 1 in 2,250,000.
Dollars spent since 9/11 (on average) by every man, woman, and child in America, on increased airport security: 60.

60 bucks might not sound like a lot of money. Cheap insurance, right?

Yes, 60 bucks is cheap. But what do we get for our 60 dollars? Nothing of any demonstrable value, unless you value a false sense of security. And what have we lost? The time spent in line that we could otherwise spend doing business, or on a beach. I'd rather have the 60 dollars back, and the extra hour of each trip, and take my chances.

What would happen if we all just take our chances? We all take far bigger chances all the time, just by driving to work.

Odds of being killed in an auto accident, per 10000 miles driven: 1 in 5900.

If we all had infinite lives, each of us would die about 400 times in a car crash, before we were killed once by a terrorist on an airplane. Maybe we should put those 60 bucks toward defensive driving classes.

Airport theater

2006-08-09T15:36:00.000-04:00

Thank you, Department of Homeland Security.

Thanks to your fine actors' brilliant performances at Philadelphia International Airport the other day, I almost was able to suspend disbelief, and actually feel safer.

Your policy of forcing connecting passengers through security AGAIN made me feel all warm and safe inside. After all, if putting everyone through a metal detector once is safe, then doing it twice, is twice as safe!

And then "recommending" to me to remove my shoes. I made sure to clarify that it wasn't required. When I decided against the recommendation, and kept my shoes on, you practically body-cavity searched me. Absolutely marvelous display of safety-consciousness.

It was brilliant, I tell you. Bravo.

I was starting to think that I was the only one who knew that terrorists really can't be stopped and that all the "security" was just theater to make people feel better. Then today I saw this article that makes me think people are starting to catch on. "Oh my god, to foil their latest plot we'd have to disallow any kind of electronic device in the cabin (down to wristwatches), the same goes for drinks, or medicine." And guess what, then they realize security lines will more than triple in length, and then the security line itself will become a target. Then what?

Hey, now you guys are starting to get it.

There's nothing you can do to stop terrorism.

For every thousand dollars we spend on security, terrorists probably spend just pennies making it obsolete. We can't win this game. Just accept it and stop pouring billions of dollars into this very expensive theater production.

Is this what passes for a Nigerian scam these days?

2006-04-13T12:52:00.000-04:00

You've all gotten these emails:

"Dear Sir/Madam [blah blah blah] my money totalling US$28,750,000. is in
Europe and hopefully, it would be paid into an offshore account. Can
you help me? Are you trustworthy?"

The idea being to keep sending you official looking documents for a while, and finally tell you the money is held up, and he needs to bribe an official, and can you send $2000 to help move the process along? It appears to prey on greed, so that puts it above scams that prey on the weak or stupid. But in reality it does prey on the weak. People who need a way out of poverty or debt, and are willing to believe anything that offers it.

My new policy for these emails is to always reply. It wastes the scammer's resources, and while they're busy working me, they may miss the opportunity to steal from a real sucker. My holy grail is to actually scam them back. Here's one possible hook: "As an IBM employee, I get 80% discounts on IBM laptops. We're not supposed to turn around and sell them, but I will, to raise the money. Unfortunately I'm strapped for cash [insert reason] and right now can't even afford the $400 to buy them in the first place. Could you wire it to me. I promise to turn in around within a week." I know you think it'll never work, but we'll see.

The most recent scam email I received was so pathetic, I had a hard time pretending to be that big of a sucker. He is not even really trying. Here is what is supposed to be a copy of the guy's passport:

The worst Photoshop job! Evar! The scammer didn't even bother starting with a photo of a real passport, he just tried to draw it from scratch in the Windows Paint tool. The dots on the lower right go right off the passport, and are apparently floating in space. The signature and thumbprint are artlessly slapped in, Windows Paint isn't sophisticated enough to allow the blue background show through. The whole thing has discrete color transitions that you don't get from a photograph. And the man's photo is just so over-the-top. Notice how white and American and rich and trustworthy he looks! Pathetic! I give it zero out of ten. But nine out of ten for hilarity.

Gone are the days when these scammers would actually send you documents that looked like real (although obviously foreign) documents. All the romance has gone out of the Nigerian scamming business.

Thankful it wasn't my alma mater

2006-04-06T09:52:00.000-04:00

As some of you may know, the Duke lacrosse team has been accused of raping a 'dancer' (translation: stripper) at one of their parties. The following is the latest discovery in the case, an email from a player just a few hours after the incident (thanks to The Smoking Gun for the documents):

To whom it may concern

Tommrow night, after tonights show, Ive decided to have some strippers over to edens 2c. all are welcome.. However there will be no nudity. I plan on killing the bitches as soon as the walk in and proceding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.. all in besides arch and tack please respond

41

I had tried to reserve judgment on these guys until I saw the entire contents of the search warrant document (linked above). The evidence is pretty solid. The email above certainly doesn't prove guilt, and in fact the guy who wrote it may not have been involved. His lawyer is claiming that the email shows he didn't know what had happened. Uh, no, what it shows is that he'd have to be really stupid to rape the woman and then send that email. But it's entirely possible he is, in fact, that stupid. I lived with lacrosse players my senior year in college. They were generally nice guys, but often were stupid meatheads. They liked to fight and hit things. I watched my roommates knock down a large section of sturdy 6-foot high wooden fence in our yard, they just kept running at it and ramming it until it broke. They got in numerous bar fights. One of them crashed his car into our several of our neighbors' cars, then hid his wreck at a friend's house and was never caught. Not that karma didn't catch up with him. One night he came in covered in his own blood, with his nose flattened, after picking a fight with the wrong guy.

I have to ask myself, were those guys capable of what the Duke players were accused of? I hope not. But I definitely recognize a lot of the same behavior and attitude.

I don't think they were born meatheads. I've seen what the aggressive training does to these athletes, and I've seen the effects disappear once they retire from the sport. Maybe some people don't realize they spend several hours every day training to be more aggressive and hit harder. I don't think college or professional sports teams take enough responsibility for the monsters they help create. I'm not saying that football or lacrosse are bad sports and shouldn't be played. I'm just saying that no one has ever held coaches or administrators responsible when violent aggression leaves the field. Nothing is done to prevent it. I wonder if they've even thought of trying. Maybe some drills of turning the aggression on and off? So that they learn to control it better? Never even been attempted, as far as I know. It's all about on-field results with absolutely no regard for off-field side effects.

"To Serve Man"

2006-02-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

[Rod Serling voice] Respectfully submitted for your perusal...

It would seem that your best friend, given the opportunity to eat you, might just take it. What I've just learned is going to make me cast a more suspicious eye at my seemingly friendly dog.

There's a woman in the news recently because she's the world's first face transplant recipient. The reason she needed the face transplant is what's relevant to my story today:

"Dinoire, a divorced mother of two teenage daughters, spoke frankly about the attack in May by her Labrador. She said she was wrestling with personal problems at the time, had had a trying week, and "took some drugs to forget," which knocked her out. She said she was passed out when the dog bit her."

I don't think the dog just bit her suddenly, oh no. That would have been a huge coincidence - the dog hadn't bit her before, and had no way of knowing she wouldn't react. I bet the farm that the dog probably licked her, got no response, took a little nip, noticed that she didn't wake up, then nibbled a bit more. He apparently thought she was both tasty and didn't mind being eaten, because he continued to nibble half her face off.

It would be easy to chalk this up to a freak accident, or a sick dog. Too easy. This is not the only case on record. A similar incident happened recently to a young boy in Florida who is partially paralyzed. His dog chewed off four of his fingers while he slept. He could not feel the dog biting him.

This is only two cases, true. But how many such opportunities like this do the nation's dogs get? I would suggest very few. So when your dog licks your face while you're sleeping... maybe he's not being affectionate at all. Maybe he's testing to see if it's safe to eat you. You're tonight's bill of fare on The Twilight Zone.

ps.

~~Interestingly, the woman's dog was euthanized whereas the boy's dog apparently was not. So I gather that the rule is, "you get away with eating me while I'm asleep, BUT NOT THE FACE!"~~

pps. Update: both dogs were destroyed. We assume they deserved it, but are we sure they weren't just being dogs?

Not even trying anymore

2006-02-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Fact checking is officially a thing of the past. Not only is it too expensive for media outlets to do research to check factual information, it is apparently too difficult to do simple arithmetic.

CNN Article about using antidepressants during pregnancy:

"Sixty-eight percent of those who stopped taking antidepressants slipped into depression. They were five times more likely to suffer a relapse than the women who continued on drugs."

Oh so the group that continued on drugs must have had a relapse rate of 68 divided by 5, or about 13%.

"But staying on antidepressants did not shield expectant mothers from depression entirely; 26 percent of those who continued drug treatment became depressed anyway."

Hwaaa?

Don't die on us now, old man...

2006-01-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

We wouldn't want to have got the electric chair all warmed up for nuthin'!

"Allen has gone blind and deaf and uses a wheelchair. His heart stopped in September, but doctors revived him and returned him to death row."

So, let me get this straight. The man was not allowed to die of natural causes, but rather artificially preserved so that the state could execute him a short time later.

The idea behind capital punishment is for him to be dead. The state had what they wanted. Why mess with it?

And what was the old man thinking? Imagine this - you're 76 year old murderer with a bad ticker, in a wheelchair, blind, deaf, confined to a cell, and scheduled to be killed in a few months. Do you really have a whole lot to live for at that point? I think the only thing you have left to do, is die on your own terms. I have 3 letters for you, Mr. Allen: DNR!

Gee, thanks

2006-01-09T09:52:00.000-05:00

I was in bed the other night and invited my dog Zoey to jump in and hang out for a bit. She was being her usual affectionate self, but after a few minutes I noticed she was really into the pillow. Unusually so. Sniffing it loudly, with extreme interest, I'd say. Nothing could distract her from getting a very detailed scent of that pillow.

I didn't know what she was so interested in, except maybe the pillow smells like me. I flatter myself. I am lying next to my pillow, how can it smell more like me than I do?

It starts to dawn on me... Several times I have given Zoey a bone, and seen her carry it off upstairs, I assume to chew it. But that evening I find it untouched, under my pillow.

So I finally realize "oh, it's probably a bone she stashed there." So I reach under the pillow, and pull out... a piece of cornbread.

She had gotten into the trash, taken the cornbread, and stuffed it under my pillow. Who is she hiding it from? Other imaginary dogs?

Job Drama

2006-01-06T14:28:00.000-05:00

It's nice to be appreciated in your profession. I'm being fought over.

In a way, it's flattering, but in another way it's very stressful because I feel like I'm being blamed for the fighting.

Let's face it, everyone has their price, and loyalty doesn't mean much in the business world. I'm sure that virtually any non-billionaire would pick up dog crap all day, if you paid them enough. And dog crap doesn't even begin to describe the depths that some people would sink to for a certain amount of money. But in my case, we're not talking about anything so extreme. We're talking about leaving a wage job at a corporate behemoth, for a nearly identical job in the same company at a desk 100 feet away, for 23% more pay. That's a no brainer, I'm sure all three of my readers will agree.

But I'm being made to feel like a jerk. I notified them immediately about the possible conflict of interest of an intra-company bidding war, they didn't care. Except for the money, I preferred to stay where I am, and agreed to do so in return for an official matching offer. I even gave them a month to get it. But large companies move slowly, despite the best efforts of some good people, they just couldn't get it in time. So I am a bit disappointed that I have to resign despite all their efforts. The other offer won't wait forever.

This is not my fault. I have done exactly what I said I would do, which is how I always try to live my life.

OK, OK, I know, it's just their salesman techniques. Guilt tripping me is one of their techniques of doing business. But why does a guilt trip only seem to be used against employees by employers, not the other way around? I suppose it's because corporations don't feel guilt, people do. Huh... corporations don't feel guilt... no individual reaches the threshhold of guilt because there are so many others involved to diffuse the responsibility. That certainly explains a lot doesn't it? Cigarettes... SUV's... "Police Academy 6".

Trigger happy or acceptable loss?

2005-12-08T11:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to make of this "Passengers describe wife's desperation" headliner.

Looking at it one way, it was trigger happy federal agents gunning down a mentally ill man first, and asking questions later. The guy clearly wasn't acting like a terrorist. Terrorists usually don't have wives running around after them shouting that they are mentally ill. And usually terrorists don't announce that they have a bomb and then not make any demands. There's the madness of suicide bombers, and then there's stark raving insanity of mental patients. I think the difference is clear. Maybe the feds are wearing bigot-colored glasses, through which Hispanics and Arabs are the same shade of "brown"? Would they have shot him if he was white? I strongly suspect not.

On the other hand, the shooting wasn't completely unjustified. The feds had to make a split second decision - delaying to consider the situation could have resulted in dozens of deaths. That is, if he was really a terrorist, which he wasn't.

Let me ask this - since September 11th, I know of two innocent people shot by police who mistook them for terrorists. How many actual terrorists have been shot by police? As far as I know, none. It may be gruesome, but someone is going to have to decide what ratio of civilian casualties we're willing to accept.

So far, the 2/0 ratio doesn't bode well, although i admit it's too early to tell. But I don't think the war on terror is a license to kill anyone who doesn't act the way society expects.

Oh, you've browsed the web before, BUT

2005-12-06T16:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever browsed at ONE MILLION PUNS PER SQUARE INCH??

Even with the simplest of comic devices, the Onion is at the cutting edge once again.

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan

Life is too short

2005-11-29T12:53:00.000-05:00

I walked by a church today, the sign said "Worship - 11am". I had dropped off my car to be fixed, walked to the gym, worked out, and was on my way back to pick up my car, when I passed this sign. It was already 10am and I had not started work yet. Time was short today, my dog was not going to get to play outside. There were chores to do, basketball games to watch, friends to see, games to play. Not all of them will fit in the allotted time.

Of all the things to try to shoehorn into one's life - worship? From the remote mountaintop of eternity, our 80-year lifespan is just a speck, a razor thin slice into which all our earthly experience must be crammed. Worship is something we can do anytime. Why would anyone choose to do it now?

When you're on a roller coaster, that's not the time to compose a letter to the designer of the ride. You just enjoy the ride, because two minutes later, it's over. You have forever after to express your appreciation.

We don't know what's in the afterlife - can we write blogs after death? Is there paad thai? Can we go for a walk in the woods? Maybe not. But one thing we can be pretty sure of - if there's a god to worship, he will be there and we can thank him in person.

His Noodly Appendage

2005-10-11T12:08:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my friend Nic for bringing this to my attention: The new religion of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, also known as Pastafarianism. Finally, a religion I can identify with. In a nutshell, the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, and all scientfic evidence to the contrary is unreliable, because the FSM is altering it with His Noodly Appendage. The Kansas school board is being encouraged to teach FSM theory alongside Intelligent Design. I wholeheartedly agree that FSM theory deserves just as much time in a science classroom as ID.

Some may say it's a mockery of Christianity. That is exactly what it is. Some people need to be mocked so that they can see how truly asinine their behavior is, and how it negatively impacts others. Some Christians may wonder 'Why us'? I'll tell you why you've been singled out. You just don't see Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, or Taoists forcing their religion on other people's children. I tell you what - you guys stop your relentless proselytizing, and I'll stop mine. You stop trying to infect the nations children with your own dogma, and i'll stop too.

The D in ID stands for 'design'. The question will come up, "Who is the designer"? If the answer is important, why does it have to be the Gigantic Bearded Old Man that lives in the Sky? You'd have to admit it sounds an awful lot like your religion. If the answer doesn't matter, then you shouldn't care if we tell the children that it is Flying Spaghetti Monster with his Noodly Appendage.

Word of the day: Snarge

2005-09-23T13:09:00.000-04:00

snarge n. the bloody goo that results from a bird-plane collision.

This article is all about the bird strikes in airplanes, and in addition to their word of the day, contains some rather interesting quotes:

"Scientists can then tell what kinds of birds are commonly smashing into America's airplanes, something of intense interest to both the Federal Aviation Administration and the U.S. military."

"The military deals with feathered projectiles on a daily basis"

Einstein would disagree about who's the projectile doing the smashing, claiming as he always does that all motion is relative. That Einstein, does he always have to be so diplomatic? But I just get this vision of a 200-ton plane just minding its own business, when a reckless, evil 4 pound bird comes along and smashes into it at high speed. And also, of the sun revolving around the earth.

There's also this interesting tidbit, which I think proves my oft-quoted "Law of Truly Large Numbers". A pilot detects a collision with something at 1,800 feet. After the plane lands, the 'snarge' undergoes DNA analysis to determine what kind of bird it was. The result? It was a cat. That's right, there was no mistake. The animal that hit the plane 1,800 feet off the ground was, in fact, a cat. Think about that for a second. Was it an act of God or some supernatural phenomenon? If that's what you thought, then you weren't using your imagination. Apparently birds of prey sometimes catch small cats and occasionally they accidentally drop them at high altitude, and one time the cat hit an airplane. This reduces the odds against to only highly improbable. There's always stuff that sounds impossible, until you hear the explanation.

Life imitates satire

2005-09-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

When life imitates satire, is it ever NOT scary?

Today we examine the question, "what's the maximum number of blades you can put on a disposable razor, and still be considered sane?" Normally that would seem like a pretty mundane subject.

That's why I love The Onion. It's great satire. About a year ago, they had a hilarious fake opinion piece entitled "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades" ostensibly written by the CEO of Gillette.

I still laugh to myself about that Onion bit, whenever I see a Schick Quattro. However, today my laughter was cut short by an actual news article entitled, "Gillette unveils 5-bladed razor".

How long do you think it'll be until President Bush appoints a first-trimester fetus to the Supreme Court?

Opinions - like belly buttons

2005-09-02T09:07:00.000-04:00

Everyone has them.

So because this is my blog, and seeing how blogs are such a self-indulgent medium anyway, here are my thoughts on the Katrina disaster.

From now on, can we stop using the term "mandatory evacuations"? There's absolutely nothing "mandatory" about them. Anyone who wanted to stay, stayed. Anyone who needed help to leave, didn't get it from the government. There was a verbal warning, but no physical force to move people. How is that "mandatory"? Mandatory means the police and National Guard go door to door, cuffing and stuffing anyone they find, and taking them out of the city. That's not anywhere close to what actually happened.

Why don't we ask the National Guardsmen which duty they'd rather have - dragging people kicking and screaming from New Orleans on August 28th, or wading through sewage to get them on September 2nd.

I know, I know. What the Guardsmen will tell you (and I agree) is, on August 28th, the people they were trying to save would have thrown rocks at them, and called them Nazi thugs. Today, they people they're saving are actually happy to see them. And what if the hurricane had missed? There would have been a field day of moral outrage (both feigned and legitimate) over forced evacuations.

So that brings me back to blaming the victims, which I really don't want to do. Is it wrong of me to ask people to take responsibility for their own lives?

I have read that a lot of family pets were turned loose before the hurricane. Many of them, without access to motorized vehicles, opposable thumbs, or any ability to comprehend the English warnings, still got to high ground and survived. In this case "high" means "anything above sea level".

Now is the time for helping, not blaming. I know that. Since I am not actually anywhere near New Orleans, there's not much I can do to help, so forgive me for moving on to the blaming. I just don't want to see the same disaster happen again. Next time I want people to pass the test that they failed this time. So once everyone is safe and dry and fed and housed again, could the able-bodied people tell me what their excuse was?

American math

2005-08-30T21:59:00.000-04:00

America's math skills are suffering pretty badly these days. Apparently some believe that 300=300,000.

The Mayor of Biloxi, A. J. Holloway, said: “This is our tsunami.”

I know the man is going through a tough time - his town was devastated by hurricane Katrina.

However, what he said is completely asinine. How you can you say that "this is our tsunami"? Katrina is a tragedy, but tragedies occur on all scales, ranging from broken fingernail to genocide. In terms of human lives, the following are roughly comparable:

1 tsunami
10 Union Carbide Bhopals
100 September 11th' s
1000 Katrinas
10000 Ted Bundy's

I can say without hyperbole that the tsunami last December was a thousand times worse than Katrina. Virtually all New Orleans residents escaped with their lives - the same cannot be said for a number of towns in Indonesia. What's being implied when an American equates his local tragedy, with 300 lives lost, to a tragedy that happened to a different culture, where 300,000 lives were lost?

I just want the rest of the world to know that I am one American who doesn't believe that a random American's life is equal to 1000 Indonesian lives. Or even two Indonesian lives for that matter. To me there's little difference between some American schmoe I never met, and some Indonesian schmoe I never met. I don't believe a man's nationality affects the value of this life that much.

Why don't you just go ahead and call Katrina "our Holocaust"?

Coincidence?

2005-08-25T10:58:00.000-04:00

To make a long story short, a former Hollywood producer dumps his personal belongings in a pasture, then several days later abandons his wife in a grocery store, taking his 9 year old daughter with him. The next day, both the man and his daughter are found dead in cargo area of his SUV. The coroner's ruling? The man had a heart attack and died, then slumped over on his daughter, and suffocated her. You can read all about it in this article.

So I started thinking about it - the fact that the man and daughter died under strange circumstances the day after leaving the wife - is that coincidence or is there a causal relationship?

Most people would say this is not a coincidence.
Some people say there's no such thing as coincidence.

What exactly does that mean? Everything is deliberately planned by (DEITY)?
We've all had something strange and unlikely happen to us. We've thought of someone we haven't heard from in a while, and they pick that moment to call. You run into an acquaintance in a remote or unlikely location. If that's not a coincidence, then what is (DEITY)'s plan? What's (DEITY) trying to tell us?

Conut tas si fesih ratif. Si par gabemal co itawac yewa teneh nevet ne, sis ocu ni noyebi igar peca akitimur rivel bapin! Pe nesahat toti datix agi mor xol; bawit rama olalelie rucice rirazem fes pe; lir va ciha titi lo ice titatod, utibufa lah upiwega rer ade.

I think a coincidence is like having the above message whispered in our ear. So naturally we try to figure out what it means.

What is easy to overlook is the possibility that it's pure gibberish - truly and utterly meaningless. The above message was, in fact, produced by a gibberish generator. It can spew out as much random nonsense as you'd like, all totally devoid of any meaning whatsoever. I believe coincidences appear to be some sort of (DEITY) language. But as the above paragraph demonstrates, coincidences could still be meaningless.

Can't the universe have its own gibberish generator? Lots of stuff happens every day. Vast, unimaginable amounts of things happen that escape our attention. The Law of Truly Large Numbers says that some totally unrelated events are going to share some properties (such as the time that they occur), simply as a side affect of the huge numbers of events. Million to one odds happen constantly - just not necessarily when we're paying attention. We can only pay attention to one thing at a time.

After all I've said about how coincidences do exist and how sometimes there appears to be a message when there's not, sometimes the message is in plain english. I'm not saying the Hollywood producer and his daughter couldn't have died the way the coroner said, but considering the odd circumstances, he'd better have all his i's dotted and t's crossed. I predict that in several days, more information will come to light that shows foul play was involved. One in a million shots do happen, but coroners make mistakes more often than that.

And I thought MY job was easy

2005-07-29T17:52:00.000-04:00

I don't envy cops. I certainly wouldn't want to trade jobs with them. Or would I? This article makes you think. Especially the very last sentence in the article, which says, matter-of-factly:

"Before arresting the women Thursday, the undercover deputies watched nude dancers on stage, bought some of them drinks, and received lap dances from others."

That part pretty much speaks for itself.

I also find the inclusion of the mugshots very amusing. I get the feeling that it was intended to embarrass the strippers, in hopes they'd find another line of work. Because it's easy to see how people who dance naked for a living, in front of total strangers, would be easily embarrassed. Poor girl, the embarrassment is written all over her face.

Spy Camera

2005-07-08T18:23:00.000-04:00

sd200_hands, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

"Where's my spy camera? Where's my spy camera?"

I think Bart would have been more impatient to get his hands on this item, which I just picked up at Best Buy for a reasonable price. What I find really amazing is that it takes very high quality video - leaps and bounds better than my Canon G1, which weighs about 5 times as much and is now almost 5 years old.

I am also reminded of another quote, this time from "Back to the Future":

Doc: "This is truly amazing. It's a portable television studio. No wonder your President has to be an actor, he's gotta look good on television!"

Doc's referring to a circa 1985 VHS Camcorder, the kind you put on your shoulder. Now the joke is even funnier because that camcorder that was so impressive then is now a dinosaur. Marty would be just as impressed with the my little digicam as Doc was with the Camcorder.

I wonder what size television studios will be in 2025.

PS. That is a stock photo, those are not my hands.

How do we know?

2005-07-07T19:41:00.000-04:00

The world is a complicated place. We all make up rules about how it all works, that help us keep make sense of it. I like to keep mine as simple as possible. In fact, I feel like I spend a lot of effort re-organizing them and combining them to make a shorter list.

So here's one that I haven't been able to put in a nice neat package: How do I know when I am right?

There are those who know, and those who only think they know. It seems to me, there's a slight problem with dividing people into these two categories. The only people that can tell the difference between the two, are the people who know. The others have it completely backwards. Before you decide if I'm talking out of my ass again, let me give you an example.

For instance. When you're a child, you think that you're responsible, and that your parents are evil dictators who love nothing more than to see you suffer under their oppressive rule. They won't let you get a skateboard, or jump off the roof with an open umbrella, or let you work the gas and brake while they steer the car. Then you grow up, and realize that you were the jerk after all. All those things your parents wouldn't let you do, you would have been a complete idiot to have done. Your parents really knew. You only thought you did.

So, when it comes to the belief "children should be allowed to decide for themselves what's good for them", kids and adults are very neatly divided, each thinking the other is ignorant of the facts. And yet, aren't the adults clearly right, and the children clearly wrong? That's a loaded question, since everyone reading this is probably an adult, so right or wrong you'll all agree with me.

I thought about this more today after reading this story on Salon about how people with no sex drive are considering themselves just another sexual orientation - asexual. According to them, there's nothing wrong with them, they are perfectly happy without sex, so they don't consider it a disorder.

It becomes a bit of a philosophical quandary. When you have two divided schools of belief, each believing the other doesn't have the facts, how do you know you're right? You can't just say "use logic". Each group will merely accuse the other of having a faulty logic system. It seems to me that a handy way to break the tie is to examine the people who have been in both groups.

As it turns out, the two examples above have something in common. That is, virtually no one ever transitions the "other" way. Once you believe children need parental guidance, you don't change your mind again. Once you believe that sex is worth having, you don't change your mind back. Even after the fire of youth has cooled, you still remember it fondly.

So that's it then. The group with the lowest number of defectors wins. Or should it be percentage based?

Or am I just talking out my ass again?

One could probably use my argument to show that Scientologists are right and the rest of us are wrong. I'll keep working on it.

Fun with ray-tracing

2005-06-27T15:53:00.000-04:00

geometric-genesis, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

(Click on image to go to Flickr - look at the full-size image)

Here's a little design I made in POV-ray (a raytracing graphics program). I like to play with it, because it can draw 3-D objects on a 2-D canvas, and I can't. I just have to tell it what to draw. The way you tell it what to draw is basically a programming language, which I of course speak well.

In this case, I had it draw a cube (with a slightly mirrored finish). Then I had it draw 20 cubes in a circle, changing the color slightly each time. (I had to remember my trigonometry) Then I had it draw 20 spheres in a circle perpendicular to the other circle. Then I had it do all that again (eight times), making the circles smaller and smaller each time, and also rotating each one a bit more each time. Of course, I had to do some fiddling to make it look pleasing - changing the colors and the angles and what not.

But still, this is just a beginner (me) spending only a few hours on it. The "program" was only about 50 lines of text (not much longer than this blog post).

My image above is mere child's play compared to what the tool is capable of. Check out the POVRay Hall of Fame.

Can't be put any more elegantly than that

2005-06-23T09:47:00.000-04:00

Now that all the nation's problems have been solved, the Republicans are now trying to pass that constitutional amendment to ban flag burning, that they've been meaning to get to for a while now.
I could go on about why such an amendment is a stupid idea, but I'm prett sure most of my three readers are with me on this. But I think this quote by NY Rep. Jerrold Nadler sums it up:

"If the flag needs protection at all, it needs protection from members of Congress who value the symbol more than the freedoms that the flag represents."

Pimped my ride

2005-06-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

Pimped my ride, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I just saw this on I 40 on the way to wilmington.

--

Sent from my Treo

Pimped my ride

2005-06-19T14:38:00.000-04:00

Pimped my ride, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I just saw this on I 40 on the way to wilmington.

--

Sent from my Treo

I am now officially a bitter old crank

2005-06-13T10:33:00.000-04:00

Here I am, dashing off angry "Letters to the Editor" as if I was twice my age. Has it come to this already? I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that I'm batting 1000 (which is a little misleading, since I'm 1 for 1)- they printed my letter.

Despite being "more liberal than Ted Kennedy" (to use the Republicans' coinage) Salon has good content. But I also have to admit that even I, being pretty liberal, sometimes think that Salon is a bunch of namby pamby, pussy whiners. At first it was just whining about losing the majority in Congress, the Presidency, the election. But sometimes it seems like they whine about any loss, political or personal. I'm a liberal and a Democrat, but nothing has hurt us politically more than this bullshit attitude of "we must protect everyone from everything". I suspect that some liberals don't care if we turn into a nation of wimps, and are promptly conquered by a tougher but less advanced civilization. I felt I should speak up, because this article was, to me, the embodiment of that pussification.

Dodgeball, of all things, is a cruel mistreatment of our chilren? For pete's sake, it's just a game. So what if some kids lose? There's nothing wrong with losing in dodgeball, especially if it helps you win in life. We, as a society, have to face certain realities. If we eliminate every arena in which weaknesses are exposed and exploited, there's no force to oppose the proliferation of weakness. I have had plenty of personal weaknesses exposed and exploited over the years. It's very unpleasant, I won't deny that. However, what also can't be denied is that the pain motivates. It leads to improvement and strength.

When an addict is getting clean, in agony of withdrawal, everyone knows you don't give him his fix to relieve his discomfort. So why do we give children their fix of unearned praise?

I'm not saying that all pain is good - all the motivation in the world is worthless, if you don't have the tools to improve. I won't sit here and defend the practice of pegging kids with rubber balls and expecting them to become athletic. Motivation is only half of the equation. Someone has to show them how to throw and dodge. They also have to show them the reward they'll get for their efforts. They need a taste of winning.

Mmmm... nostalgic

2005-06-06T22:19:00.000-04:00

pinball_number_count, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I wonder if this video is better known to my generation than something like "Billie Jean". I hadn't seen it in 20-some odd years. Ah Sesame Street. I shudder to think what my life would be like now, if it had never existed.

It's bizarre watching this - I wouldn't have been able to tell you what was in it beforehand (besides a pinball), but it is all still very familiar, even after 20+ years. I had no idea that it was the Pointer Sisters who did the song. It's also strange seeing landmarks like the Golden Gate bridge and Mt. Rushmore. I definitely remember them, but back then it was just a red bridge and a statue of old men's faces. I didn't know they represented something in the real world. Kind of like how I thought Sesame Street songs (like "Letter B", and "Goodness Gracious, 8 Balls of Fur") were all original.

Enjoy.

Finally got it done

2005-06-06T10:32:00.000-04:00

Fixed sunroof!, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I fixed my sunroof! Sweeeeeeet. I am excited to have it available now that it's getting hot outside. And I feel a sense of accomplishment, in tackling a problem that's been plaguing me for so long. I am also disappointed in myself for not attempting this sooner.

The switch broke in October of 2003. The sunroof was, as dictated by Murphy's Law, open when it broke. I had to experiment, touching wires together, creating sparks and blowing fuses, just to get it closed before it rained.

It's an aftermarket sunroof, the Honda dealer wouldn't touch it. The only place that would look at it is in downtown Raleigh. Notice I said "look at", not "fix for a reasonable price". So I filed it away in my ever growing folder of "things that need to get done - eventually". Twenty months passed.

With summer finally here, I decided Saturday it would behoove me to fix it myself, if at all possible. Surprisingly, it turned out to be solvable using only my very very rudimentary knowledge of electrical devices. It may shock some of you to know, that despite working with computers constantly, I have no idea how the electronics work. I barely know the difference between a volt and an amp. I just had to determine what combinations of 5 wires opens and closes the sunroof, and that takes me close to the limit of my skills. I managed to blow only three fuses while doing this. Before you laugh, I had purchased fifteen spare fuses in anticipation of this problem. That tells you the level of confidence I had in myself. Then I had to find a three-way switch. Most of these only take 3 wires. Opening and closing the sunroof requires 5. I managed to find a switch that took six wires. I worked out a theory as to what wire ought to go where, and was very much amused when I was correct. You have to realize that every home project I've attempted has involved trial and error at every step. Case in point, the ceiling fan I installed two weeks ago.

Now the only problem is the switch isn't anchored to the roof, it just dangles by the wires. That means I have to use two hands to work it, which limits me to working it while my vehicle is at rest. It's still a vast improvement. I'll probably attach the switch firmly to the roof, in another two years. Oh yeah, and fix the driver's side door lock that's been broken since August 2001.

Onion volcano

2005-06-04T19:39:00.000-04:00

Onion volcano, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

dinner at kurama's

--

Sent from my Treo

At the beach

2005-05-31T10:26:00.000-04:00

On the beach in Salter Path.

--
Sent from my Treo

It's been a banner week - lots of Congratulations and Good Luck

2005-05-24T17:53:00.000-04:00

Thank you, thank you so much. It means so much to me. I just want to thank everyone who made this moment possible.

What am I being congratulated for, you might ask? Uh, no, I didn't get promoted. No, I didn't get a Ph.D.

No, No. I thought you would have guessed by now. Let me just tell you. I bought movie tickets! I really can't take all the credit, it was a team effort. If Ariel hadn't loaned me four bucks and instructed me on the proper use of a web browser, I wouldn't be getting congratulated at all.

It's been a heckuva week. Just the other day I was wished "Good luck" by the nice people at ebay. And I needed it! I almost wasn't one of the lucky ones. That object I so prized was slipping away. But then, out of nowhere, inspiration struck! I upped my bid! The strategy worked - the "I (Heart) Lesbos" T-shirt was mine! What a fun game.

congrats, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I take it as a complement

2005-05-19T16:51:00.000-04:00

How is it that so many Muslim extremists are furious enough at the Jews to do and say things like this and this? Isn't it America they're supposed to be mad at? Are they just stuck on hating Jews out of centuries of habit? America is not Jewish. As proof, I say to all "jihad" believers: check out our shopping malls in November. Compute the ratio of "Jingle Bells" to "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel". Then come back in April and do the same, but this time compare the number of Easter eggs to Gefilte fishes. That will give you a very close approximation of the Jewish stake in American culture. It's practically zilch. Or as we like to say, "Bubkes".

How are Jews still their sworn enemy? There aren't that many Jews left. Worldwide, Muslims outnumber Jews 85 to 1. For such a large section of Muslims to blame their problems on the Jews, is like Andre the Giant complaining that Gary Coleman took his lunch money. It's like the Duke basketball team choosing Davidson as their arch-rival.

Jews are only 0.2 percent of the world, but apparently, we control everything. We control the banks. The American government. Didn't you know the Jews orchestrated 9/11 and pinned it on Muslims? For some reason, certain people miss this obvious conclusion: We must be awful smart, or strong, or have super powers, or something, in order to pull that off. Just imagine, each Jew taking on five hundred gentiles, and winning. Some would say it's nothing short of divine intervention.

I am honored to be thought of so highly. You might not be aware, but some of us do claim to be God's chosen people. This image of us is totally inaccurate, of course. But I take it as a complement.

Out on the lake

2005-05-16T17:17:00.000-04:00

Out on the lake, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I spent most of the day yesterday on my friend Jeff's boat on Falls Lake. As you can see, I am in my element here. What's not to like? Sun, water, beer, and a vehicle to ride around on. I don't personally wakeboard (I will try to pick it up at some point), but it's pretty easy to just kick back and watch other people do it. Especially this guy Dale who was doing backflips and getting 6 feet of air. My fisher-price cameraphone was unable to capture that to any satisfactory degree.

Today's MindF*ck

2005-05-12T17:38:00.000-04:00

Never before have I wanted so badly to curl up into a fetal position and just mutter comforting words of complete denial. "No. No, it wasn't real. It was just a joke! Wasn't real, just a joke. Soon they're going to say it was only a joke. They're going to tell me I was punk'd, and we'll all have a good laugh. Hahah. A good laugh."

It had Kirk Cameron in it, for god's sake. It had to be a comedy! It had the makings of a perfect satire. I sat there smiling for the first few minutes, fully entertained, expecting to be laughing my ass off. Any second now, here comes the punch line. But I soon realized something was very very wrong. A feeling of abject horror crept up on me. It may not, in fact, be a clever satire at all.

Dear readers, I must warn you. You might want to start with something a little milder first. Try the medium hot sauce before you try the atomic.

I recommend starting with My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys. I assure you it's mere child's play, compared to:

the Way of the Master!!! (For full effect, Click "No" when it asks you if you are a Christian).

What's in there, you ask? I can only tell you what Yoda once told Luke Skywalker: "Only what you take with you. Your weapons - you will not need them."

If you're going to make fun of Hollywood, do it right.

2005-05-11T17:33:00.000-04:00

There's plenty of ammo to make fun of Hollywood. It's like shooting fish in a barrel - not even sporting. I won't participate. I'll merely post some links to stories of Tara Reid and Anna Nicole Smith making complete asses of themselves.

What I'd like to point out, is at the bottom of the Tara Reid article (written by Jeannette Walls):

Cameron Diaz wouldn’t buy some animal tusks because she was worried that the animals they came from were endangered — but then she found out they were extinct. A source says that the “Charlie’s Angels” star was shopping the Barneys store in Beverly Hills on Saturday, looking at some tusk bracelets for $1,650 each. “She asked if they were elephant tusks and said she just couldn’t buy them if they were,” says a source. “The saleswoman assured her that they were extinct mammoth tusks and she bought three."

The context makes it pretty clear what Jeannette is implying: "Stupid actress thinks there's big difference between buying a bracelet made from extinct animals, and one from endangered animals!" After all, her column is called "Jeannette Walls delivers the scoop". The headline "Rich actress buys expensive bracelet" is not exactly a "scoop".

Hold on a second, Jeannette. The problem is, Cameron is absolutely right - there is a big difference. She doesn't want her money to motivate poachers in Africa to shoot elephants. She can buy mammoth ivory with a clear conscience. They've been carcasses since pre-historic times. There's nothing at all contradictory about her purchase.

Jeannette, don't you feel pathetic? You've shot at fish in a barrel, and missed.

White Lake results are in

2005-05-10T10:30:00.000-04:00

They finally posted the triathlon full results (they take 2 days to get the relay splits so I can find out how I did relative to other swimmers). Let the analysis begin.

Out of 660 swimmers, I was 19th overall. Which is ok - depending on how I look at it, I can feel good or bad about it. I beat 95% of the competition. That's good! But nearly all the swimmers who beat me went on to do a 56 mile bike and a half marathon. That's bad. But open water swimming was never my forte anyway. That's good! The lake contained potassium benzoate.

That's bad.

(Sorry, I have this compulsive disorder where I insert references to "The Simpsons" in everything I say. Even though I know that most likely no one will get it. But at least I picked a popular quote.)

I just have to remember the goal was to help the relay. The relay won, so I say, mission accomplished.

Ow.

2005-05-09T18:04:00.000-04:00

I am limping around today on calf muscles that I shredded (on a microscopic scale, anyway) from cramping up after that cold lake swim. No pain, no gain? I expect to be able to dunk from the foul line after I recover from this. I have never been so hobbled by soreness. On the one hand, I feel an old feeb. But on the other hand, a handful of people were taken away on stretchers after that swim - and they had wetsuits on. So I am not a total wimp.

Timely reminder of what a red, ass-backwards state I live in

2005-05-09T17:25:00.000-04:00

Ariel and I are moving in together. I think it'll be nice - not having to carry our crap back and forth to each's other's place, and having a woman's touch in my rather spartan townhouse will make it a lot more homey. What I am not looking forward to, however, is adding another entry to the list of crimes that I have committed in my life. At one point or another, I have been guilty of: Underage possession of alcohol (countless times), possession of a fake ID, possession of illegal drugs or "narcotics", DUI, and a cornucopia of minor moving violations. I am not particularly ashamed - there's nothing that most of our recent presidents haven't done. I'm actually a little bit proud - I was at least smart or lucky enough not to get caught. Fortunately for me, I am pretty sure the statute of limitations has expired on many of my crimes, and there's no evidence left of the rest. So if any law enforcement personnel are reading this, sorry for getting your hopes up. The only thing you can bust me for now is.... (drumroll please)

COHABITATION!

Punishable in North Carolina by a $1000 fine and 60 days in jail!

According to this fine article, the law is rarely enforced. Whew! Glad to know that my fate is in the hands of wacky ultra-conservative judges:

"At least one judge, U.S. Magistrate Carl Horn in Charlotte, regularly asks defendants whether their living arrangements violate the cohabitation ban. Horn, who declined to be interviewed for this story, has refused to release violators unless they promise to comply."

The law is being challenged by the ACLU. So perhaps someday I will be absolved of this particular crime (that I now realize I have actually committed before. Four times, if you count each woman as a separate incident. Again, mister police man, statute of limitations is expired. Ha ha, you can't touch me. Not for a few weeks anyway, when Ariel's lease runs out.)

North Carolina is such a beautiful place. Why does its government have to suck to such an embarrassing degree?

By my new improved calendar, summer has officially begun.

2005-05-08T15:00:00.000-04:00

As everybody knows, summer begins on June 21st, the summer solstice. Duh.

Well I say nuts to that. The longest day of the year is the 1st day of summer, but the 2nd longest (June 20) is in the spring? That doesn't make any sense. The 2nd longest day should also be in the summer. Heck, the 50th longest day should also be in the summer. Shouldn't the longest day of the year be smack dab in the middle of summer?

Everything is half a season off. If the equinoxes and solstices were in the middle of their respective seasons, everything would make a lot more sense. Some might object to my system because on my "first day of Spring", it's still cold. Yes, it's true that temperatures don't follow my plan as perfectly as daylight does. Temperatures tend to lag at least several weeks behind the amount of daylight. But the seasons aren't supposed to reflect temperature anyway. In some places, the temperatures do weird things, like in my former residence of San Mateo, CA. The hottest month there is September.

By my decree, the new seasons shall be as follows:

Summer - May 6th to August 5th
Fall - August 6th to November 5th
Winter - November 6th to February 5th
Spring - February 6th to May 5th

So happy (belated) first day of summer, everyone!

White Lake Half-Ironman

2005-05-07T18:17:00.000-04:00

White lake half ironman, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

I did the 1.2 mile swim today in the White Lake Half Ironman (in southern NC).

Well, the water was really as cold as it looked. Do you see anyone in the picture above insane enough to be in there without a wetsuit? Well I was one of three people (out of 800) who went with bare skin. As I entered the water, I experienced "inhalation response" for the first time in my long swimming career. That's when you enter cold water and you have involuntary rapid breathing. I am glad I knew about the phenomenon, or it would have been even more alarming. (This is why I suspect the water was colder than the announced 64 - I've been in mid-60's water before and never had this happen). I don't think I've ever before been unable to hold my breath even for a few seconds.

I managed to get my breathing under control in the few minutes before my wave was started, and felt ok for the swim. I was (obviously) cold, my legs weren't getting good circulation and very soon felt crampy, even though they were only doing my usual lazy 2-beat kick. The water was clear, so I had an easy time navigating the buoys and the slower swimmers in front of me (from the earlier wave starts).

I got back to the dock and there was a line of about 5 people trying to climb the ladder to get out of the water! That cost me about 30 seconds. As soon as I got my legs under me, they started to cramp - not from being tired, it must have been from lack of blood flow. So I then had to run (rather gingerly) 150 yards to the transition area, at which point the cramping really flared up. But at least I had already passed the timing chip to my teammate and he was on his way.

I experienced another odd sensation later on - about 20 minutes after putting my parka back on, I felt warm again, but then I felt blood rush into my legs (which I guess were still cold) and suddenly got cold all over. That was my body reconnecting my legs to the blood stream, I guess. Weird.

The day warmed up dramatically (too late to be of any help for my leg of the race). By the time Tom (the biker) finished, I had shorts on and it was a perfect day. Our relay won! Our time was 4:23:07, which was slightly faster than the individual Elite winner, and 10 minutes ahead of the next relay. Nice work, Tom and Scott.

All in all, a pretty good day.

Sunrise at White Lake

2005-05-07T09:22:00.000-04:00

White lake half ironman, originally uploaded by weissjeffm.

It's a beautiful sunrise at White Lake. I'm here for the Half Ironman relay. It's COLD. 45 degrees outside, I am wearing my Carolina swimming parka. I stuck my hand in the water, and it feels very cold. Just the fact that there's no steam coming off it on such a cold morning tells you there's not a great temperature difference between the air and water. Lovely. Can't wait to dive in there. Without a wetsuit.

"My boyfriend is in love with you... and I hear the weather will be nice this weekend" ???

2005-05-04T16:23:00.000-04:00

So Ariel forwards me a strange email this morning. It was apparently sent to her by mistake, perhaps meant for some other Ariel at Duke. Here's the text (names changed - I don't want to make these people's personal lives public over a misdirected email):

Hi, Ariel... Don't know if you know me, but my name is Elaine, and I am Peter Griffin's ex- girlfriend. I thought that, since you are seeing someone, I would give you the heads up about him breaking up with me because he's decided he's in love with you. I just thought you and your boyfriend/fiance (peter's confused if he's that or not) should know about his intentions. He told me he was going to tell you and ask for an ultimatum...your fiance or peter... be weary though... he gets violent if he doesn't like the outcome...i know. the handprints on my arm are because i won't wait for him to find out if you feel the same way. good luck... hope you have a good week... i hear the weather is actually going to be nice this weekend!
Elaine

The whole thing is interesting, a window into someone's private life. But what I find most intruiging is the last sentence. It just seems so out of place. A reflex of polite small talk. Elaine, I think everyone involved would understand if you skipped it, it would be a pretty awkward friendship. If being curt is ever appropriate, this is the occasion.

Truly worth a thousand words

2005-05-04T13:30:00.000-04:00

originally uploaded by David Wulff.

I ran across this picture on Flickr (although that isn't where it originated). At first it appears totally ordinary. At first.

Nasty bathroom at the Varsity

2005-05-03T23:39:00.000-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I like the Varsity. And I'm not afraid to wash my hands with dish soap, I really don't mind. I just find it amusing, considering the following: 1) The employees are aware of the difference between dish soap and hand soap. It's the artsy theater, after all. 2) There is a drug store not 50 yards away.

Why does the "theory" of "Intelligent Design" provoke such anger in me?

2005-05-03T14:45:00.000-04:00

The latest installment in my "Idiots are taking over the world" series.

For those not familiar, the theory of "Intelligent Design" is basically today's opposition to the theory of Evolution. This so-called scientific theory is being pushed into public schools by religious zealots. It's exactly like creationism, except they've removed the word "god" and given it a new name.

The whole idea, admittedly, sounds at first entirely plausible. Certainly, some complex things (like cars) are built by intelligent designers. And evolution sounds so implausible. When you imagine a single celled organism (which few people ever bother to do), and then you see a cat or a rabbit, you have a hard time imagining how one turned into the other, entirely on its own. It's difficult to imagine the countless steps involved to get from one to the other, over a period of a billion years. Heck, it's hard to imagine a billion years. Heck, let's step back even further - it's hard to imagine a million years. (sidebar: It's sad that so many people don't even know the difference between a billion and a million. Both words are interpreted as "a lot". Perhaps this has something to do with our government budget being completely out of whack. "We spent $89 million on tsunami relief, and $89 billion on bombing Afghanistan flat." The inequality is completely overlooked, because, well, people skip right to imagining what they would buy with $89 million.)

Anyway, here is the part that makes me angry. Just because something is difficult to grasp doesn't mean it's not true. Yes, you have to actually sit down and study and think for quite some time. Otherwise, the idea that "man evolved" seems even less plausible than "the universe was sneezed from the nose of the Great Green Arkleseizure, fully formed, man included" (OK, that's Douglas Adams' made-up god, but to me it's no less ridiculous than any other creationist theory).

What angers me is the people who are too lazy or scared to even listen. They either don't listen because learning science takes effort, and they find the 3-word explanation of "God did it" far less strenuous. Or, they don't listen because pulling creationism out from under their belief system would make it collapse like a house of cards. If creationism is wrong, then Genesis is wrong (if taken literally, anyway), then the Bible contains serious errors and cannot be the word of God. I am not insisting that people abandon religion (although that would be nice), how about just taking the Bible a bit less literally? There are actually good ideas in there, if you don't get caught up in all the miracles and smiting.

How about not forcing your religion (and your ignorance) into public schools? Just because you've deprived yourself of a science education, please don't ruin it for everyone else. OK, I admit this comes from someone who went to a science and technology high school. I found it a joy to learn stuff you could actually use to make predictions. You can use physics to predict where a thrown ball will land. It actually works! You can use biology and evolution to predict what kinds of fossils you will find in certain rocks. It actually works! The theory of Intelligent Design can't be used to predict anything at all. As a scientific theory, it's absolutely useless. It's only use is to numb your mind to make the questions go away. It's quite effective for that. And the people who claim that it's science are actually being listened to, in the politically-correct interest of "equal time". And this is what really pisses me off. Ignorance is winning.

What's going on here?

2005-05-03T14:23:00.000-04:00

Something was happnin in the practice gym at the dean dome today. Cameras, spotlights....

--
Sent from my Treo

Flickr

2005-05-03T13:33:00.000-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.