Timely reminder of what a red, ass-backwards state I live in

Ariel and I are moving in together. I think it'll be nice - not having to carry our crap back and forth to each's other's place, and having a woman's touch in my rather spartan townhouse will make it a lot more homey. What I am not looking forward to, however, is adding another entry to the list of crimes that I have committed in my life. At one point or another, I have been guilty of: Underage possession of alcohol (countless times), possession of a fake ID, possession of illegal drugs or "narcotics", DUI, and a cornucopia of minor moving violations. I am not particularly ashamed - there's nothing that most of our recent presidents haven't done. I'm actually a little bit proud - I was at least smart or lucky enough not to get caught. Fortunately for me, I am pretty sure the statute of limitations has expired on many of my crimes, and there's no evidence left of the rest. So if any law enforcement personnel are reading this, sorry for getting your hopes up. The only thing you can bust me for now is.... (drumroll please)

COHABITATION!

Punishable in North Carolina by a $1000 fine and 60 days in jail!

According to this fine article, the law is rarely enforced. Whew! Glad to know that my fate is in the hands of wacky ultra-conservative judges:

"At least one judge, U.S. Magistrate Carl Horn in Charlotte, regularly asks defendants whether their living arrangements violate the cohabitation ban. Horn, who declined to be interviewed for this story, has refused to release violators unless they promise to comply."

The law is being challenged by the ACLU. So perhaps someday I will be absolved of this particular crime (that I now realize I have actually committed before. Four times, if you count each woman as a separate incident. Again, mister police man, statute of limitations is expired. Ha ha, you can't touch me. Not for a few weeks anyway, when Ariel's lease runs out.)

North Carolina is such a beautiful place. Why does its government have to suck to such an embarrassing degree?