Never have I been more confident in our nation's financial system

A law was recently passed that bans melting US currency coins. Hm, ok, given the crisis in Iraq, wouldn't this sound like a low priority to you? You'd be surprised - it's actually a rather important fire for Congress to put out. Why, you may ask.

Because the metal in the coins is now worth significantly more than its face value.

That's right folks, that 1 cent penny has 1.73 cents worth of metal in it. All you need to do is melt it and sell the metal. It will actually bring you an instant 73% profit, which I assure you is the very best thing you can do with that penny. And it's totally legal and has been forever. Hurry, this is a limited time offer! Ends Friday, December 15. Yeah, that's tomorrow. Sorry.

Seriously, if there was ever a better time to get rid of the penny, it's....well, ten years ago. Look at what we've become - passing laws to put people in jail for melting money! Whose fault is it that the metal is worth more than the face value? Isn't it the government's job to make sure the materials in the coins are worth less than the money itself? It would seem they are punishing everyone else for their own mistake. While they were busy arguing over the fate of one comatose woman, and whether gays are ruining the institution of marriage, and whether or not they should build a bridge to nowhere, this doozy sort of slipped by them.

So you better not take advantage of their incompetence, or you'll go to jail. After tomorrow.