Everyone knows you can't kill the Energizer Bunny... or Oprah for that matter.

From the US Department of Pre-Crime, we have the following news bulletin:

"Girls charged with conspiring to kill classmates, Oprah, Tom Cruise, The Energizer Bunny"

Authorities discover that some 14 year old girls have been writing a list of 300 people to kill, on their MySpace page. They have been arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit homicide. Did I mention they are 14 year old girls and had 300 people on the list, including the Energizer Bunny?

Either we, as a nation, have finally degenerated into a quivering mass of paranoia, or these girls get up awfully early in the morning.

Taking down Oprah alone is probably an all-day operation. And you know the Bunny won't just hang around while you finish her off, it'll just keep going and going. These are not the homicidal plans of chronic late-sleepers.

Perhaps the cops have other evidence we haven't heard about - maybe they found a stash of Hello Kitty handguns in their locker.

I actually thought I was making up Hello Kitty handguns for a minute there. But then a cloud of cynicism formed over me, and I paused to check.

I hereby take back what I said about the quivering mass of paranoia.

Notice that I didn't make fun of the girls for putting Tom Cruise on the list.

Back in my day

Long ago, when I was in high school and applying to college, I received a rejection letter from my favorite school, UNC. I recall panicking and making a quick phone call, which thankfully revealed the letter was a mistake. A few weeks later, I received an unapologetic acceptance letter.

When I started school at UNC that fall, I decorated my dorm room wall, in part, with that rejection letter.

Seems that these days UNC has switched tactics - get people's hopes up first and then crush them:
University of North Carolina errs in congratulating 2,700 applicants

Why so many girls think they're ugly

Ok, I know it's made by Dove. But still, it's a stunning demonstration, especially of the power of photoshop - not just to manipulate, but to leave no trace of itself afterwards.